Ah, fall. The change of seasons, the air gets a little crisper, the light takes on that special quality, and things get a little … stranger. As if, somehow, it were the 1970s all over again. Unless you missed that decade. In which case it’s even weirder.
Testament to the fa
ct that there’s not really a grooming manual over here at Gregory Mountain Products (so far, anyway), it’s once again time for the annual Gregory Facial Hair Contest. Growing commences tomorrow.
This year’s theme: It came from the Future.
Interpret that with your hair.
Here are the official rules of this year’s contest, from pack designer (and 2008 winner of the Grand Prize division) Mark Thibadeau (shown at left, failing to imitate Burt Reynolds. Remember him?).
Anyone can enter; judging is usually shifty and subjective. All entries must be based (however loosely) on the theme. Ladies, don’t be shy. This theme is carefully curated to be open to the fairer sex as well. Creativity is welcome and encouraged!
1. The growing period starts on Wednesday, October 28th, and continues into the colder months.
2. As this is a creativity and originality contest, a clean shaven start isn’t required, although it will limit entry to the Grand Prize only. (If you want to be considered for all prizes- you must have a clean shaven face tomorrow)
3. Judging will happen mid-December on an as yet undecided day.
4. Participants need to sport their coif, in public, without apparent shame or embarrassment, for a full week. To be clear, you can grow for almost two months before you have to actually carve your futuristic design into your newly formed facial follicles. At which point, you must wear your design for a full week to be considered.
4. Categories are as follows:
Overall Grand Prize - Based on originality, creativity, and relevance to the theme. Not on length, amount, or authenticity of facial hair
Less is more - This year, the “Less is More” award is given as a consolation prize to the person who tries really hard but comes up short.
You missed the Point - To the person with the best retro beard.
Gutsiest Move I Ever Saw - To the person who risks professional reputation and public embarrassment, just for some measly contest.
We’ll keep you updated.
Unless we get too many complaints.
So apparently we have a correction. That is actually Tom Selleck that Mark is posing with, NOT Burt Reynolds. Whoops.
All I can say for certain is that it’s not Geraldo Rivera.
Rule Number one. Holes in your clothes are OK as long as they can be considered “fashion” holes.
Rule Number two. Flannel is OK as long as it’s a Dress Flannel.